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Brad Belt: Music-5pp

Golf Is Best (comedy)

(Brad Belt)
Golf Is Best

© 1998 Brad Belt

They call me Greasy 'cause I was a mechanic
And there's Patch, in the war he was a medic
Clippers and Bezzler, the barber and banker
Our foursome resides at Hillview Manor
We start every day the same way
Breakfast at 7:00, tee time at 8:00
A dollar a skin, Bezzler's keepin' track
A birdie gets a fiver and braggin' rights
Sometimes we play Wolf so Clippers can win
He looks so sad, ever now and then
We finish around noon, then it's hot dogs and beer
Then back to Hillview, a buzzin' in the ears

Chours: Golf is Best we all agree
We Hillview Manor retirees
Better than football and a broken knee
Better than tennis and two tired feet
But is it better than solitaire all alone in your room
Or listening to an old familiar tune
Is it better than checkers on a lazy afternoon
Or sittin' on a couch watchin' cartoons
Hell yes, golf is best
Yeah, yeah, golf is best

At our age the mind is unfettered
We don't worry 'bout things that don't matter
Hillview takes care of our daily bread
A social hour and a warm bed
But the golf course is where we come alive
With the wind in the trees and the sun in our eyes
We fire the cannons and charge the brigade
We slay 18 dragons every single day
No blood, no foul and no referees
We lie and cheat and piss behind trees
We know our time is comin', we'll have to cash it in
But we'll be golfin' to beat Hell, right up til the end

Chorus: Golf is best we all agree
We Hillview Manor retirees
Better than football and a broken knee
Better than tennis and two tired feet
But is it better than a wink from a cute waitress
Is it better than dancin', or a low cut dress
Better than a kiss or a soft caress?
Is it better than sex